I have been listening to One Republic's 'Stop and Stare' on the loop and relating myself to the the song. The song is literally the story of my life! For a while now, I've stopped and I've been staring at my life unfolding into something I dread. The life imam living is not something I had wished for.
I have nobody else to blame but myself. My lacking disposition which results in my present wretched resume.
Yes. Its the time of the month again. The time when i feel like hitting myself. When I feel like hiding myself in the corner of the room. Away from people. Away from this pathetic life.
I already hate myself this much. I can't afford to be hating myself for feeling like this too.
I hate everything in me.
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Emo rant (above) was written when I was feeling down. People reacts differently to monthly period hormones, and I am the type who feels down during that period of time. I get upset with people, with myself.
Sometimes it gets to the point where I have insomnia, I can't eat (everything I consume goes right back out) and I'll cry for no apparent reason.
One time, I cried so hard in the car on my way back home from work, that I had to stop the car by the road side. Why? Because I was so sad from feeling old. I'm 31 years old and I was jealous of my 18 years old brother.
Anyway, oddly enough, with all of that, I don't feel any physical pain like cramps or stomach pain. I guess I still can be thankful for that.
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